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May 27, 2005
an album that's always there for me
i put on Savage Garden's "Affirmation" yesterday without giving it much thought and as the familiar lyrics poured out my brain was flooded with memories of other times in my life when i have listened to this cd. it seems to be one that i turn to, without intending to, at moments in my life that are filled with emotional turbulence and change. i vividly remember sitting in a very orange room in the youth hostel in Vienna copying down the lyrics to one of the songs ("affirmation" in fact) for my friend in South Africa. He was going through some problematic soul-searching, and i was missing terribly the people i met when i was down there. add to that general tiredness/giddyness from traveling around europe and you get the picture of what was going through my head.
i listened to the cd a couple of times freshman year. so i suppose it shouldn't be a surprise that i'm listening to it again now... a lot of the same emotions for ironically different reasons. and my always observant mother came in and said "wow, that's an old album, haven't heard it in a while" and proceeded to ask me how i was holding up. my mother is good.
i've decided i don't want to leave this purple room (just painted a bedroom at the house and this makes my father really happy. however, i can tell now that the color i chose isn't quite as perfect as i thought. unless you shine the right light on it. so now i'm sipping my coffee and trying to decide what to do...
Posted by lara at 11:59 AM
May 26, 2005
two random observations
so i went to home depot yesterday to get a couple of things, such as paint, stains and pads. when i got over to the paint dept and told the guy that i needed enough paint to cover 215 square feet, and asked for a base color with an eggwash sheen, but not satin, he looked at me quizzically (excellent word!) and then mixed the paint. when he put it in the shaker i started talking about stains, and told him we were going to be treating new wood and asked if we should be concerned with the stain differentially coloring the soft and hard wood. he told me that this was in fact a concern, that most people completely miss, and showed me some stuff to treat the wood with to avoid it. then he told me he'd carry the paint to the checkout for me since i didn't have a cart (we're talking 2 gallons here). whatever. as we walked we talked about the stain and the grain of the wood (yes, i *know*) and when we got over to the register the guys there had this odd little exchange of looks... and then they fell over themselves trying to get me all the stuff i needed to get my manufacturer's rebate on the paint and offered to help me carry stuff to the car. honestly. just because i happen to know a little about what i was talking about...
then, on the radio the hosts were discussion Stevie Nicks (sp?) and how she's celebrating her birthday with a "world wide tour" that would take her "all over the country". i was struck by the fact that these people seem to think that travelling all around the US constitutes a world-wide tour... and it reminded me how horrified i was to hear about what my friends at vassar had learned in their history classes: nothing. well, i mean, very little about anything not involving the US. this makes me very sad, because i see the effects of not knowing much about your fellow world-citizens everyday in displays of ignorance (and we're not just talking about people asking me if Norway is the capital of Sweden). on the other hand, i realize that the US is a large country and there's lots to learn about it. however, i do feel that finding a middle ground might not be a bad idea... a lot of people are really offended by Americans and their lack of knowledge. *sigh*
Posted by lara at 05:35 PM
May 25, 2005
mothers
mothers are pretty smart. my mom pretty much summed me up this morning when she looked over the breakfast table at me picking at my food with disinterest and said "stuck?". in every imaginable way, i am stuck. i'd elaborate, but i won't.
meanwhile, pictures are slowly getting put up: http://www.wasowski.net/gallery/graduation
they're not all there yet, so check back later. also, if anyone wants larger versions of the pictures, let me know.
Posted by lara at 12:55 PM
battle
i hate the battle between heart and mind. why do we have this drive to make sure that we can't just do what feels right in our heart, because our mind is telling us it just might not be the best idea?? i understand that our poor hearts' desires might not often be balanced, and that our mind is trying to watch out for our poor little hearts. but it feels like i'm punishing myself and i can't figure out what i did wrong. care?
i know these questions aren't fair, but for now they are the questions that are at the forefront.
i wish i had the talent to express myself better.
Posted by lara at 10:15 AM
May 23, 2005
all too familiar
this place is so familiar. and equally unwelcome. i can feel it start down in the depths of my stomach, in those places that you only are aware of at the most poignant moments in life. it starts down there and slowly seeps upwards and spreads throughout my body. it sits in my throat, a constant reminder of my frailty. it wants to burst out and completely overwhelm me and i fight so so hard to keep it inside. to resist it and force it back down. i want to be stronger than it.
i am leaving home again. and i am terrified. terrified that i am leaving this wonderful haven that i have spent the last four years creating, never to find anything like it again. terrified of leaving the wonderful, caring, sensitive, engaging, intelligent, brilliant, hilarious, sharing people that make this place my home. will i ever find such beautiful people again? i find myself a victim, once again, of my yearning to give wholeheartedly of my emotional self to forge wondrous connections with these people. and now i have to leave them. or, rather, we are all leaving each other.
my thoughts haunt me. i need to escape, but am too stubborn to take the escape that is available. instead i feel my heart slowly crumbling as i anticipate each of these people leaving. the first perhaps the most surprising. a new bond that filled a void i didn't even know i had... i know these people aren't leaving my life completely, but i am painfully aware of how far away i am taking myself to fulfill my yearning for my other home. and i am also aware that i might never find people like this again. i cherish them so dearly and feel so blessed for having them in my life...
but just as i am so fully dedicated to these dear friends, so am i also fully in pain. and it will pass, i will get through this somehow, i know. but for now i mourn. and hurt. and love.
Posted by lara at 09:55 PM
May 18, 2005
music and me being a cheapskate
so i've really decided that i'd like to get an mp3 player. with my obsession with music, it just makes a lot of sense. however, i don't know which one to get... the thing is, i'd like to get one that is around 20gb, so that i can use in for a backup hd or whatever if i need it. and for some reason i'm really hesitant about getting an iPod. i'm a serious cheapskate, at least when it comes to large purchases, so i need to feel like i'm making an educated choice. however, the things i'm trying to do to make said educated choice (talk to people in stores, read online reviews etc) aren't getting me any closer to a decision. the Zen is looking like a really solid contender, but I just can't seem to make up my mind. this is what usually happens, and then i just never end up buying whatever i'm looking at. this time will be different though, i just need to make up my mind!
Posted by lara at 09:50 AM
May 13, 2005
a new love
so i finally went up to the gorgeous porsche that i've been seeing in the Walker parking lot and discovered that it's a Targa. and aboslutely stunning. it's just beyond description, and i'm in love... so i found some pictures to share.
Posted by lara at 11:34 PM
May 02, 2005
Founder's Day 2005
well, my last founder's day as a vassar student certainly was different and memorable. a sizeable chunk of the student body religiously check the weather forecast in the days leading up to saturday and it became increasingly clear that we were in for a wet day. now, for people unfamiliar with founder's day, it usually involves a horde of people sprawled on blankets all over sunset hill, imbibing various and sundy beverages and substances and participating in lots of wonderful events geared equally towards little kids and drunk college students. think bouncy castles. sooo... what would a rainy founder's day be?
it turned out quite well. we started the day with a wonderful mimosa-brunch. i had gotten to go into full caterer-mode in preparation of this and was enjoying myself immensly. after consuming a lot of yummy food (baked challah french toast, scrambled eggs, fresh biscuits, prosciutto e melone, a large fruit platter, cinnamon streusel cake, coffee cake, coffee and of course mimosas!) we armed ourselves to head up to the field. it hadn't started raining yet, and from our lovely perch atop the path we had seen a fair amount of people heading towards the festivities.
while the rain had scared some of the entertainment inside, we were extremely pleased to discover that this year brought not only a bouncy castle, but also an inflatable obstacle course and a jousting thingie (think large q-tips). weeeeeee!!!!! anyways, the rest of the day was wonderful. eventually the rain did start, but it was warm enough and we were drunk enough that it didn't really matter. jen and i had a blast dancing in the mud in front of the stage and i saw lots of fabulous people (and a few i could have done without). i got to swing dance in the mud, which was truly an interesting experience. and jen and i did our drunken honors to abby's jazz moves : ) tired and caked in mud, we returned to our sleeping comerades and spent a few hours slouched on the couch munching and then headed out for barefoot monkeys and fireworks. oh how easily we are entertained!!
the evening rounded off with more munchies and part of Star Wars Episode 6.
i *heart* our campus. i love my friends. i love founder's day. i will miss it dearly. if anyone ever wants to fly me back from norway for it, i will be forever grateful ;)
Posted by lara at 07:57 PM | Comments (1)
